Sugar, Spice, and everything "nice"

i really like this gif because i can relate to this. i was a proud feminist, but as i log into my bdsmlr account more often, the more exposure i have to degrading porn, then the more i tolerate pictures of women being abused. i slowly started getting off from degrading and abusive porn, porn that contains patriarchy, misogyny, and anti-feminism stuff. Then i found myself liking it beyond my persona in this blog. i started to think about sex constantly and whenever i see a man, i think about how he would rape me. i also started taking off my "feminism" status on my social media as well as reducing the amount of posts about supporting women's rights.

it's not that i suddenly believe that women are supposed to be treated less, it's just i like the idea of me being treated less and i believe it. i find myself liking denial, feeling it's not awkward to eat from the floor, and starting to switch to bigger dildos to fill my pussy. i also start liking not wearing underwear because it made me feel like a slut. i even like writing condescending stuff to my own body. To top it all, i start thinking about how i wouldn't mind being inferior to my future husband where i'd love to be used to please him while doing the house chores like a good wife that i am.

Do you see this picture above? i really like it because it's like the picture is telling me that i'm just a set of holes and nothing more. i even put it up as my laptop wallpaper for about two or three days now. i feel slightly embarrassed, but also excited. Oh, and i also start using lower case to say "i" and in the first name of my letter. There's just something embarrassing about treating myself like i was just mentioning a "table" or "pillow", a mere object.

i hope i'm not too weird for starting believing in what i post in my blog. But either way, i'd like you guys to write in my ask box ways that i could do to make me believe in patriarchy more, treating myself as less than human, or just being sluttier in general. i need your help, my dumb brain can't think straight!